Transcript: Episode 237: Spring Pick-Up Lines

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[00:00:00] Susan Barry: This is Top Floor with Susan Barry, episode 237. You can find the show notes at topfloorpodcast.com/episode/237.

[00:00:13] Narrator: Welcome to Top Floor with Susan Barry. This weekly podcast ride up to the top floor features tangible tips and excellent stories from the experts and characters who elevate hospitality. And now your host and elevator operator, Susan Barry.

[00:00:32] Susan Barry: Welcome to the show. It is the last day of Women's History Month, so I am here with a solo episode about women. How do we achieve equality for women in the workplace and in the hospitality workplace specifically? I mean, this is an appropriate question for the last day of Women's History Month. No. Oh my God. I didn't think I would still be asking this question in 2026. As a child of the 80s and 90s, I guess I was sort of raised to believe that it was all behind us. And despite some pretty obnoxious experiences in middle and high school, I generally thought that was true until I became an adult and kind of saw the reality for myself. One of my biggest wake-up calls was when I was still working as a director of sales and marketing at a hotel, and through somewhat sneaky means. I found out that despite being the most senior person in our group, I was being paid tens of thousands less than my male counterparts when I raised the issue with my boss. Her? Yes. Her reaction was less than supportive, so I ended up getting a raise, but it felt like I won a battle to lose a war with her, if that makes sense. A few new studies have been released recently about the state of women in the world and in the workforce. The Penn State study on women and people of color in hospitality showed that very little has changed, and in fact, we're backsliding in some areas. The UN's report on global inequality offers more of the same kind of discouraging news. I'm not going to unpack all of that. I'll just link the studies in the show notes so you can peruse them at your leisure. Instead, I want to challenge what I think is a pretty popular idea that sounds like it's supportive, but ultimately restricts the full range of what equality could be. I often see posts, particularly during a month like Women's History Month, that highlight women's supposed innate traits. So words like collaborative, nurturing, and empathetic come up again and again when describing this sort of monolithic idea of what women's leadership means. The argument goes that we as a society. Should want more women in leadership because women will bring those qualities with them. I call bullshit on that. I do not believe women are any more innately nurturing than men are innately like war mongering. We live in a system. That assigns traits based on gender and then either rewards or punishes people for living up to those. The traits are not neutral. They're shaped by expectation, and they are reinforced by outcomes. If you are reinforced for behaving in a more compassionate or nurturing way as a woman. You're going to do that, or if you're punished for not being compassionate, you're going to avoid being uncompassionate. If we make the argument that women deserve equality because they are somehow nicer than men, or more nurturing, or whatever the case may be. What happens when a woman doesn't fit that stereotype? And what happens when a man is deeply collaborative or deeply empathetic or deeply nurturing? Predicating equality on gendered traits is a fool's game. It denies everyone, men and women, the full range of human expression. In a world that rewards men for being tough and women for being soft, it's pretty much impossible to know which characteristics are truly innate and which are simply the result of social conditioning. Lately, especially on Instagram, I've been seeing more and more calls for matriarchy. I think some of them are jokes, but I think some are very serious. It is not surprising to me that women are fed up with a world in which we have fewer rights than we did as teenagers, and we watch men on private islands commit atrocities for which they are not held accountable. I mean, I get it for sure, but I don't think that replacing one hierarchy with another is the answer, flipping that script. So, elevating women over men instead of the reverse, which is how it is now. I don't think that should be the goal. The goal is to allow people to exist as their full selves, without punishment, without subjugation, and without unequal pay or opportunity. Like, think about it, what happens if we take this to its logical conclusion? Imagine, uno reversing the system entirely. So imagine a world where the richest and most powerful people are so because they are sweet and collaborative, and nurturing. I would be completely screwed. I am many things, but I am not collaborative. I'm not terribly nurturing, and there are plenty of women who are like me, so does that make us less women? This is part of why I get so frustrated with the personal development narrative that is so rampant in our industry. Emily Goldfish talked about this in an article in Her Tell recently. She calls it Endurance as a Career Strategy. There are more than 30 women's leadership organizations in the hotel industry, and none of them are advocating for equal pay or better childcare, or even like a less sexist dress code. If everything is framed as individual improvement, as women needing to change themselves to be more leadership-ready, then all of those stereotypes go unchallenged. And when that happens, we have to ask ourselves, who actually benefits from the idea that self-improvement is the only path to equality. 

All right, I'm off the soapbox. I love your thoughts on this. Jump into the conversation on LinkedIn or email me at susan@topfloorpodcast.com. And as always, thank you so much for listening. 

[00:07:49] Calvin Tilokee: Well, hello and welcome to the inaugural hotel pickup lines. Some of you guys may be familiar with the format we're about to introduce. You may have seen them across social media, YouTube, Instagram, and the like, where people ask each other questions. Typically, they tell dad jokes and the other person has to try not to laugh. And I am here with my good friend Susan Barry. 

[00:08:14] Susan Barry: Hello. 

[00:08:14] Calvin Tilokee: And today we decided we're gonna tell each other pickup lines. And the other person has to try not to laugh at them. 

[00:08:23] Susan Barry: The problem is, Calvin, that I'm already laughing on the inside real bad. 

[00:08:29] Calvin Tilokee: I'm kind of always laughing on the inside. So I think this would be pretty. This is gonna be challenging for both of us, I believe. 

[00:08:36] Susan Barry: Yes. You’re funnier than me. But I'm a doer than you. So I don't know. It's kind of an even match, I would say. 

[00:08:43] Calvin Tilokee: I don't know. We shall see, and we'll have to let the audience decide. So we're gonna go round by round, trying to pick each other up using hotel jargon. Some of them are spring-themed, some of them are not. 

[00:08:58] Susan Barry: Mine are all spring-themed. Maybe we should have an award for that. Best on theme. 

[00:09:05] Calvin Tilokee: Maybe we should. I might have to improvise some of these, then. 

[00:09:10] Susan Barry: I am not laughing. You're laughing. 

[00:09:12] Calvin Tilokee: We haven't started yet, so I can giggle as much as I want. 

[00:09:15] Susan Barry: Okay, fair enough. 

[00:09:18] Calvin Tilokee: All right. I am, I'm a gentleman. So, ladies first. Round one.

[00:09:22] Susan Barry: Are you a banquet breakfast buffet? Because you are cantaloupe, honeydew, and pineapple.

[00:09:32] Calvin Tilokee: That was good. That was good. Great delivery as well. Very impressed with that one. I think if that's what we're starting with, I'm likely in trouble. Okay. 

[00:09:45] Susan Barry: Except that I have zero control over my own emotions. Zero. 

[00:09:52] Calvin Tilokee: We should also, I guess, maybe the audience can tell us in the comments, we have to decipher you laughing at your own. Does that count? I kinda lean yes on that one. 

[00:10:03] Susan Barry: I think it's cumulative because the laugh may come out after you deliver your online, but it's been building for a while. 

[00:10:12] Calvin Tilokee: It might be laughing from the previous joke. 

[00:10:15] Susan Barry: True fact. 

[00:10:16] Calvin Tilokee: Okay. Hey girl, are you a perfect cell? Because you look quite unattainable.

[00:10:23] Susan Barry: It's not funny. 

[00:10:24] Calvin Tilokee: So yeah, sorry. It was just good. 

[00:10:27] Susan Barry: Are you an unexpected fire alarm? 'cause you're lighting up my night.

[00:10:34] Calvin Tilokee: I tend to do that. Are you the free breakfast? Because I'm waking up early for you. 

[00:10:40] Susan Barry: Are you the emergency staircase? 'Cause you've taken my breath away.

[00:10:48] Calvin Tilokee: That happens to me quite a bit. Can't even walk up the steps of my house. 

[00:10:53] Susan Barry: Indeed. 

[00:10:55] Calvin Tilokee: Are you the hotel robe? Because I shouldn't take you home, but I am thinking about it.

[00:11:05] Susan Barry: That was good. You?

[00:11:09] Calvin Tilokee: I think we gotta score one for you on that one. 

[00:11:12] Susan Barry: Round one, Susan Barry. 

[00:11:15] Calvin Tilokee: I was really hoping that one would get it. 

[00:11:18] Susan Barry: It was really good. Are you a group sales contract? Because all I see is fine print. Round two. Susan Barry. 

[00:11:34] Calvin Tilokee: That's a good one. That's a good one. That is quality. 

[00:11:41] Susan Barry: Just got warmed up, baby.  

[00:11:42] Calvin Tilokee: I know, man. I was trying to go in order, but I gotta break out the big guns now 'cause you're on fire. Okay. Are you the MOD? Because I'd like you to interrogate my locks. 

[00:12:00] Susan Barry: Are you the chef's vegetable garden? Because lettuce, turn up the beet. 

[00:12:07] Calvin Tilokee: Quality. Quality. Okay, I gotta step this up. What kind of pancakes do you like? Because you'd better get your ass downstairs by 9:00 AM if you wanna.

[00:12:22] Susan Barry: Are you the dessert table at Easter brunch? 'Cause you're a cutie pie. I'm sweating so bad right now from trying not to laugh. 

[00:12:35] Calvin Tilokee: You are so much better at this than I thought you would be. 

[00:12:38] Susan Barry: Really? 

[00:12:40] Calvin Tilokee: Yeah. This is some of my best material, and I barely got a crack outta you at this point. 

[00:12:45] Susan Barry: I am shocked that I have not laughed. I am biting my tongue and will be bleeding from my mouth, posthaste.

[00:12:56] Calvin Tilokee: All right. Let's see. Are you the thermostat? 'Cause I want to push your buttons. 

[00:13:02] Susan Barry: Are you the guest room thermostat in the springtime because I'm sweating and shivering all at once. 

[00:13:10] Calvin Tilokee: That is quality and realistic. That's the best part. 

[00:13:15] Susan Barry: True. You're not wrong. 

[00:13:17] Calvin Tilokee: I hope you're a luggage card because I'm bringing all my baggage.

[00:13:22] Susan Barry: Are you the executive committee meeting because I'm feeling relief. Now that you're over. That was my worst one. 

[00:13:35] Calvin Tilokee: That was great. From the beginning, once you said executive committee meeting, I knew it was gonna be good. That's good. Yeah. You're whooping my butt on this one. 

[00:13:45] Susan Barry: I think we're three to zero. 

[00:13:48] Calvin Tilokee: Yeah. It's a landslide here. All right. We gotta break out the big guns. Let's see what I got here. Are you an Easter egg? Because I've been hunting for you. Yes. We got one. One.

[00:14:15] Susan Barry: That was so good. Oh my. Oh no. I'm gonna not be able to stop. 

[00:14:26] Calvin Tilokee: There we go. The dam has broken. Time for a comeback.

[00:14:29] Susan Barry: Build up laughing. Okay. 

[00:14:32] Calvin Tilokee: Good to go. 

[00:14:33] Susan Barry: Speaking of spring holidays, are you the Mother's Day brunch seating chart? Because I'm trying to lock in a spot next to you. 

[00:14:44] Calvin Tilokee: The seat is open. The seat is open. Are you a kid sports team because you've been running through my lobby all day? Yes. The comeback is on. 

[00:15:04] Susan Barry: Oh, that's so good. I wish I had thought of that one. Okay. Are you the broom and dustpan in the bell closet? Because you've swept me off my feet. 

[00:15:19] Calvin Tilokee: Oh, nice. 

[00:15:21] Susan Barry: Romantic. 

[00:15:22] Calvin Tilokee: Romantic. That one is Hallmark card worthy? I like that.  

[00:15:26] Susan Barry: Fantastic. 

[00:15:26] Calvin Tilokee: That one is card-worthy. Let's see. Are you a quality audit? 'Cause you have fine written all over you. 

[00:15:38] Susan Barry: Amazing. Amazing. I'm not laughing, but a plus. Are you the second quarter landscaping budget? Because I'm ready to invest heavily. 

[00:15:53] Calvin Tilokee: You always gave me the beginning. I was like, that is so niche. It's already funny. It's like what? Second quarter landscaping budget. Where could this possibly go?

[00:16:02] Susan Barry: It's the niche of it all, the best. This is why your Instagram account is the best one on Instagram because you are in the same niche. I learned it from watching you, Dad. 

[00:16:14] Calvin Tilokee: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Oh, that was a good one. That was a really good one. Let's see. Hey, are you the pool when we have a hotel full of kids? Because you look ready to shut it down. 

[00:16:33] Susan Barry: Amazing. I'm gonna move to page two. 

[00:16:37] Calvin Tilokee: Oh my goodness. 

[00:16:39] Susan Barry: Speaking of the pool, are you a bottle of pool chemicals? I'm ready to dive in. 

[00:16:53] Calvin Tilokee: It’s so specific. That's good. That's good. That's good. I was making a good comeback, but you have reasserted your dominance. 

[00:17:02] Susan Barry: Was that four? 

[00:17:04] Calvin Tilokee: Yeah, I think you have at least four if not five.

[00:17:06] Susan Barry: Four to two. Or four to three. Four to two. 

[00:17:11] Calvin Tilokee: We'll have to go back to the videotape, I think. 

[00:17:14] Susan Barry: Got it.

[00:17:15] Calvin Tilokee: Yeah. But I know for sure I got two. It was three to two and you have certainly retaken the lead here. What else do I got? Oh man, I think I gave you all my good ones. I still got some heat for you. Are you the concierge? Because you just saw all my plans for tonight. 

[00:17:38] Susan Barry: Are you the housekeeping board at a hundred percent clean? 'Cause you're everything I've been hoping for. 

[00:17:46] Calvin Tilokee: Quality. 

[00:17:47] Susan Barry: If you liked it, you should have put a spring on it.

[00:17:55] Calvin Tilokee: That's just unfair. That’s quality. I have met my match here.

[00:18:08] Susan Barry: Easter. I don't even know her. 

[00:18:12] Calvin Tilokee: Nah, these are just heat checks. Now these are just like, when all the threes are going in, you just keep chucking them up. Are you spring break because you make me wanna lower my bar. Sweet relief. 

[00:18:44] Susan Barry: Are you a spring group block? Because I'd commit early and often. 

[00:18:50] Calvin Tilokee: Oh, I like that.

[00:18:57] Susan Barry: Are you a last-minute leisure booking? 'Cause you just saved my day. 

[00:19:01] Calvin Tilokee: Yeah. Six rooms of pickup. That's all you need. 

[00:19:07] Susan Barry: Wedding block. 

[00:19:08] Calvin Tilokee: That's all you need. Alright, this one only works if you're aware of current events, but I think it's pretty good. Are you chapel room? Because I feel like looking at you is creating tension.

[00:19:23] Susan Barry: I don't even know what you're talking about. I think it's not funny.

[00:19:25] Calvin Tilokee: Oh man. What got the life anyway? Oh, okay, so Chapel was at a hotel in Brazil and a young child, an 11-year-old girl, saw her, wasn't sure if it was her, was with her mother. And she asked mom, Hey, do you think that chaperone has the red hair or whatever? And she's like, I don't know. So she walks outside, where everyone has access to this breakfast buffet. I'm assuming in this hotel. She walks by her table, looks at her smile, and comes back to the table. Moments later, a security guard comes over to this woman and the child and berates her.

[00:20:12] Susan Barry: Oh, come on.

[00:20:13] Calvin Tilokee: And tells her that her child needs to know how to behave and etc., etc. Turns out this child is the child of Jude Law, and the woman is no longer with Jude Law. She's now married to a Brazilian soccer player who's playing for the biggest club in the country and is a World Cup winner. An 11-year-old child had the audacity to look at her. Didn't approach her. The natural picture didn't autograph nothing, just looked at her. So unbelievable. Sometimes looks can create tension and I'm feeling that same feeling right now. 

[00:20:54] Susan Barry: Are you the first iced coffee of the season? Because she woke something up in me. Ooh, that's terrible. 

[00:21:03] Calvin Tilokee: I tend to do that. I do tend to do that. So it's not even funny. It's just, yeah, it's just Monday, you know?

[00:21:13] Susan Barry: I think I've used all my good ones. 

[00:21:15] Calvin Tilokee: I think I've used all, like all of them. I don't think I even have any bad ones left. 

[00:21:20] Susan Barry: Why have some bad ones? 'cause I didn't know how many you were gonna bring to the table. 

[00:21:25] Calvin Tilokee: Yeah, I had like 15. 

[00:21:29] Susan Barry: I'm trying to see if I have any. Are you the first outdoor banquet of the season? Things are really heating up.

[00:21:38] Calvin Tilokee: That also works for Sterno. 

[00:21:41] Susan Barry: I said something like that for Valentine's Day about Sterno, I think. Are you Sterno because you're too hot to handle something like that? 

[00:21:53] Calvin Tilokee: I like that. Go ahead. Fire him off. 

[00:21:56] Susan Barry: Are you a garden wedding inquiry? Because I'm already picturing our future. It's a bit of a stretch. Not terrible. Not the best.  What are the other ones I skipped? Oh, this is the one that I think is so stupid that it's funny, but I don't know if it's gonna make sense to you. Keeping in mind spring, right? Are we close to the end of this revenue meeting? Because you look like you're about to wet your pants.

[00:22:33] Calvin Tilokee: That's a good. I was trying to go for stuff like that too, where like, you think I'm gonna say one word and then you slip into something else. No pun intended. 

[00:22:42] Susan Barry: You're grown on me faster than weeds. And the planter in the port ricochet, that's just awkward phrasing. 

[00:22:51] Calvin Tilokee: Nothing. That thing needs to be checked.

[00:22:53] Susan Barry: It's not bad. I don't know. 

[00:22:55] Calvin Tilokee: Yeah, that one needs to be checked. Houseman hasn't touched that one in a while. 

[00:22:58] Susan Barry: Are you a bouquet of flowers on the front desk? Because I see tulips and I wanna plan a kiss a little bit right at the door, Calvin? 

[00:23:10] Calvin Tilokee: A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. It's definitely an HR violation, but we're here for it.

[00:23:15] Susan Barry: We have to submit a ticket. It's a huge problem. 

[00:23:19] Calvin Tilokee: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We go for it. 

[00:23:21] Susan Barry: Well, ladies and gentlemen. 

[00:23:23] Calvin Tilokee: We are left speechless by the immense talent that we have brought to the table today. Neither one of us knew we had. 

[00:23:31] Susan Barry: I think this is the first of many such matchups because clearly we can both bring it, and I won this battle, but I may not win the war.

[00:23:45] Calvin Tilokee: You sure did win this battle. Clearly, I did not know the behemoth that I was up against. 

[00:23:51] Susan Barry: It's true. Thanks for listening, and have a happy Women’s History Month. You can find the show notes at topfloorpodcast.com/episode/237. Jonathan Albano is our editor, producer, and all-around genius. He even wrote and performed our theme song with vocals by Cameron Albano. You can subscribe to Top Floor on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen, and your rating or review will go a long way in helping us give you more of what you like.

[00:24:30] Narrator: Thanks for listening to the Top Floor podcast at www.topfloorpodcast.com. Have a hospitality marketing question? Reach us at 850-404-9630 to be featured in a future episode.